On: Familial Sacrifices
This article is best enjoyed whilst listening to the song “Family" by Drew Holcomb & the Neighbors - https://youtu.be/N8l5hnWRZYY
I’ve been out of a job for about three months now. I haven’t told my parents yet. So, they still think I have a job. And I have maintained this status quo because I really do not want them to be worried about me. This means when they need financial support, I find myself providing such for them with the same alacrity of a “yes man” as I would often do when I did have a job.
Sometimes, however, in order to do this, I may have to reach out to close friends for a loan or two just so I can support them as best I can. And I always do this excited to be able to support them no matter what. Nevertheless, in doing this, I have come to realize that such actions are basically what a lot of parents do for their kids too. All kids cared about was that if we complained about something enough to our parents, eventually, they succumbed and got it for us.
Parents took on the defacto role of Personal Assistants for kids who had no idea where anything came from. It all just seemed like magic, with the spell being our animated and resolute tears.
Thinking back, as a kid I do not think I ever really thought about where the food or money or toys came from. I just knew, for certain, that whatever it was, if I really wanted it and it didn’t impede my overall well-being, my parents were always on hand to provide it for me. In fact, I remember my dad losing his job years ago —when I was no longer a child— and still he made sure to provide for the family as though nothing had changed. And it’s funny because even though I was well aware that he had lost his job, I still couldn’t grasp the extent of his sacrifices.
The dynamic of being there for their children was always stronger than anything else for my parents. So much so that I remember being in University and once asking my mother how she was able to always send me the pocket money I received and she dismissed my asking by saying “My dear, that’s not something for you to worry about.” As such, the role reversal now for me feels so surreal. It allows me —I would hope— to better appreciate their sacrifices.
Knowing that even without a job, I’d go to the ends of the earth to still be able to support them each day makes me feel blessed to have had them do the very same for me and my siblings as kids.
And the journey never really ends, especially for parents. My parents, to this day, still struggle to ask me for help. I have thus learned to read their non-verbal verbal cues to be able to spot them. An example is when my mom calls me consecutively in a day as opposed to her style of calling to check up on me twice a week. And I guess in a way, it’s just that thing where to them, their kids will always be kids in their eyes. And taking care of them has become so heavily coded into their psyche, it feels almost wrong to have them reverse the roles and take care of you.
Nevertheless, I try as much as I can to make sure my parents remember that it’s okay for them to rely on me. I bet it’s why I still haven’t told them about my employment status. I don’t want them worrying about wanting to care for me in my very adult age. I want them to see that just as they had made sacrifices for me, I too am willing to make the same for them as well. And hopefully, I am able to get a job sooner than later to ensure I keep doing just that. Because in my understanding, when it comes to taking care of your folks —just like raising kids— time flies by too quickly for you not to try to enjoy every single little moment with those whose sacrifices have gotten you to where you are.
Cheers!