On: Rage & Empathy
This article is best enjoyed while listening to the song "If I May Die" by McKenna Hampton - https://youtu.be/OeXFqouYg9E
There was a time when the absence of electricity would piss me off, especially when it would appear that others had it. I’d spend hours brooding, hating my life and thinking “why the fuck did I have to be so poor and live in this shitty place?” I’d lament my lack of control. My face would be all scrawny and shit and whenever the rat gum I placed in strategic spots in my apartment would catch a rat or two, I’d unleash my fury on them. It was so bad, that I’d almost feel like I was having a panic attack.
Fast forward to a week now and for some unexplained reason, there has been no electricity in my street for about 5 days. No explanation either from the PHCN folks and yet, weird as it may sound, I’m actually still quite pissed about it. I know you probably were expecting some deep transformation with respect to my attitude about dealing with the “no light” situation, but sadly there is only so much attitude change you can expect when it feels like there’s something malevolent in play regarding your entire existence in this godforsaken country.
Sadly, it’s not just the electricity part, it’s everything else. These days, I have noticed that I tend to kill cockroaches as though I was “The Punisher” —as though these cockroaches were on my hit list for vengeance after they killed my family or some shit. The other day, I remember I stepped on one cockroach that appeared to be scurrying around my kitchen floor, and as opposed to the more posh response of “eww” and then stepping off it, I actually guffawed menacingly and then stomped on that bitch again! Twice!! It was a moment of total madness because in the moments after, I realized that the said cockroach was actually already dead and dried up. In essence, I was only killing what was already dead.
And I think that sums up a lot about the state of mind of so many people trapped in this cesspool of daily inanity and frustrations. We are literally stuck in a country that is bent on giving us every reason to pull our hair out in maddening rage. We find that in order to deal with so many of the frustrations, most of us tend to take a path towards engaging redundancies. A typical example would be me venting my murderous rage on an already dead cockroach. For some, it could be less murderous but still dauntingly sad.
I remember a few days back when a friend who lives across the street told me of something he saw on the internet —a prank, he termed it. A lady —the subject of the said prank — was asked if she would be willing to have sex in public with a stranger for the sum of Two Hundred Thousand Naira (200,000NGN). Right there in front of her was an already set bed and all she had to do was lay down and get ready. Well, your guess is as good as mine. She was willing to go through with it. Thankfully, she was stopped short and the prankster seemingly admonished her. He asked why she would want to do something so extreme and her response was, as you would expect, a story of frustration; so much so that even what would typically appear to be the most redundant of offers, seemed so appealing.
Now, I never tried to verify this tale from my friend but since he said he saw it online, I’ll take his word for it. But what did resonate with me in hearing him recount this tale was his remark about it afterward. He said in pidgin and I quote “things hard, my brother…things hard gan!” And he was right. Things are indeed difficult! As difficult as they have ever been in a long while. And from some of the projections, as the election year draws closer, chances are it could get even worse. Sadly, what this means is that as things get worse, more people will continue to embrace the inane and redundant in a bid to not only survive but to find solace in some way. And one would expect that in the advent of situations getting much worse, the mere fact that my own way of venting and dealing with these frustrations is in doling out murderous rage on rodents and cockroaches, I could easily get a pass to judge another —like the lady from the prank— when the reality is probably that we are both under eerily similar thresholds of dissatisfaction with our individual situations.
The truth is that the chances of me doing something as stupid as maybe walking naked into a mall or having public intercourse for money are higher than they could ever be at this point in time. But like most people, I would probably deny that ever being possible, citing something as arbitrary as the concept of having “good home training”. In reality though, the older you get the easier you come to understand that even good people —the prim and proper— do dumb shit too, especially when they are backed against a wall by the many slimy tentacles of their frustrating circumstances. So, while it would be easy to sit on the pedestal and judge others for the way they choose to deal with how hard things are at the moment because we strongly believe we would never do such, it may help to be cautious in our prejudice. Because if you think about it, I could just be one frustrating murderous rage away from actually harming another human being as opposed to a rodent or a cockroach.
But thankfully you never have to worry about that with me (or so he says). Yes, I’m still pissed at the absence of electricity. Indeed, I still detest rats and cockroaches as they try to fend for themselves and their loved ones at my comfortable expense. It is a fact also that I still lament why I am so poor and can’t afford a more luxurious apartment with more amenities. Truthfully, I still would love to get out of this country if only the stars would align and make airfare as cheap as, say, a Thousand Five Hundred Naira (1500NGN) per ticket. However, what I no longer do is vent any of my frustrations on rats or cockroaches. I have chosen a more empathetic approach instead. Therefore, as opposed to stomping on cockroaches and laughing like a maniac, these days, I simply swat them with a broom, lovingly. Also, when my rat gum traps a rat, I no longer tend to bash its head in until its brains are squashed and mushed. No. Instead, I tenderly allow it to struggle for days on the gum, trying to wriggle free, until it dies peacefully of hunger and starvation.
I understand that these little attitude changes might not seem like much to some but it’s a huge step for me. And now, when I hear tales of people doing the dumbest shit just to get by, I just remember the immortal words of my friend from across the street:
“Things hard, my brother…things hard gan!”
Cheers, and stay positive!
“I was only killing what was already dead.“
What is dead may never die, Mr. Mifa. Expect to see that cockroach in a few days (haha). Jokes aside, this was a fantastic read. Thank you for sharing.