On: The Gospel “Alpha Males” According to St. Jay
This article is best enjoyed whilst listening to the song “Runaway” by Kanye West featuring Pusha T - https://youtu.be/L7_jYl8A73g
On the website “Shola Talks” you get to meet a young man called Babatunde. Babatunde Olusola is a Chemical Engineer turned life coach. Sadly though, that’s the only concrete piece of information you get on this young man. However, if you are active on the hallowed grounds of Nigerian Twitter, then you probably won’t be bothered about the lack of viable information on the website as long as you are able to recognize “Jay” via the handle “@jayythedope” (now deactivated). His new handle is @ThemanShola (I’ll refer to his Twitter persona this way going forward).
Since the onset of this calendar year, Jay has gone from seeming Twitter influencer notoriety (he once spent some time behind bars for creating a parody account of the former president) to Twitter verified life coach in such a short span of time. His ascent to notoriety is only matched by how quickly he loses the Twitter verified barge or gets his account(s) deactivated. How did he make this leap, you might ask? Well, there are two answers to this and depending on what side of the fence you’re looking at this from, both answers are considered valid.
The first is simple: Jay found a way to speak to men about being better than just simps for the sake of women. If you are not sure what being a simp means, then the second answer on how he became so famous could help clarify this.
The second answer is less simple, and wordier: Jay is a young, vibrant charlatan that has found his tribe of incels and women-haters and is on a journey to inspire them towards becoming the best version of themselves —whilst they pay him for it.
Now, if this second answer seems harsh, biased, and derivative, then it’s because it is all of those things and more. It is also because the bulk of people who this second answer resonates with strongly believe that —more than anything else— this young man is on a path of leading other men towards the continued propagation of outdated patriarchal [read: incel] tendencies.
But then again, it’s worth trying to understand why some people consider him the next best thing after jollof rice and others see him as the antichrist paving the way for the apocalyptic end of womenfolk and their autonomy. So, let me try to explain this with a little anecdote. I'd like to introduce you to two characters —fictional, maybe, but they could be anyone you know or could even be you. S is male and L is female.
The Story of S and L
The story of S and L begins like most stories in the modern-day Twitterverse. S has been scrolling through his Twitter feed all day when suddenly he comes across the picture of L. L is gorgeous and S is intrigued by her beauty. He quickly accesses her media page. She is his type. And his type, if you bothered to ask him at that moment, would be someone who was beautiful, had a good character, and did not harm others. Safe to say that besides her being beautiful, S cannot see any of the other personality traits he just listed in his head since all he has to go on are pictures and tweets. But he is undeterred.
S takes a moment in the coming days to think hard about how he can get closer to L. His options are limited. He has already followed her on Twitter but she hasn’t followed back. He’s already tried being the first to reply to a couple of her funny tweets but she never replies to him back. He’s been the first to comment “you look amazing” on her picture posts and her only response had been to like his tweet, nothing more.
At this point, S decides to be bold. She may have loads of admirers in her DM but certainly, they do not have the ability to craft an intro like he will —a sort of sales pitch that will grab her attention. So, S takes a few days: he writes, he edits. He rewrites until he is confident that he’s got a shot with what he has. He sends the DM. He waits. A day later, no reply. So, he sends another message, this time, nothing bold but just a simple “hi, how are you doing?” And yet no reply. He waits. A week passes and no replies but he can see that she’s still very active on the TL. Posting pictures and dropping her commentary on topics and trends.
At this point, S begins to feel neglected and sullen. He vents on his page about how “most women do not have common decency.” He’s beginning to sympathize with people who say “women are wicked”. He likes and retweets a post about how women need men more than they like to admit. He follows the author of the tweet and then retweets a couple more tweets with similar rhetoric. Then he sees this one tweet that makes him stop in his tracks. It’s speaking to him. He taps on his phone’s screen to retweet it and then reads it again. The tweet is from someone called “Jay” and it reads:
A nice guy is;
- a yes-man.
- vulnerable.
- a guy who puts women on the pedestal.
- a guy who goes out of his way to impress women.
- a guy who got no game.
- a guy who chases instead of attracting.
- needy.
- not assertive.
- a friendzone material.
Don’t be that guy.
It’s almost impossible to shake the feeling of guilt that runs through his body. This person must have heard of his ordeal. Who is this guy? He goes through the profile of this fellow. He sees the bio of Jay and he nods his head. He scrolls through his tweets and sees so many gems. Jay must be an angel, he says to himself as he goes back and re-reads that tweet again. Enough is enough! He would no longer be that guy trying hard to impress women; that guy who is needy and not assertive. He was done being a nice guy. It was time to be the kind of guy this Jay fellow says he can be. It’s time to be an “alpha male”.
We Don’t Talk about L
Now, if you have been patient enough to read through the story of S and L, I figured you may wonder why in all of that narration, we barely talk about L. The reason is simple: in the world that Jay is building for his alpha male minions, L doesn’t exist —pun intended. And it’s not that L is totally inexistent, but rather Jay’s message of hope for his brothers —his comrades, in this race towards perpetual societal dating dominance— is that they put themselves uncompromisingly first above every other person in their lives, especially the women they hoped to date.
If you are reading this and some part of that message doesn’t seem so bad, then it’s probably because, at the heart of it, it actually isn’t. Contrary to all of his detractors who claim Jay is on a quest to make men become hate-mongers towards women, the rhetoric of being selfish as a person is not novel. It’s a simple fact: you can’t care for others if you do not care for yourself. And at the heart of it, that’s what Jay’s message to his alpha male minions are: don’t put women you want to date first, put yourself first because as a man, you are the ultimate prize.
When you speak to most women who have come across Jay’s sermon on the mount, you are likely to get two typical reactions: shock or laughter. For the former because we live in an increasingly divided world of “them vs us” where women have found it continually tough to find a middle ground with how they want to be treated, and how society can accommodate their concerns. So, for these types of women there’s a sense of dread at just how influential this seemingly bitter young man is. And this shock isn’t unfounded, especially with the continual rise of cyberbullying directed mostly towards women who dare to be more liberal with ideas on marriage, gender roles, dressing, etc. Therefore, for these kinds of women, L’s existence being swept under the rug is tantamount to erasure.
The second reaction you get from most women is laughter. Indeed, the continuous growth of the Jay movement for “alpha male” is far from threatening to these types of women. But it’s not for a lack of concern, rather for their familiarity with the narrative. Typically, for women who laugh at his rhetoric, one gets a sense that they understand that the machinations of the patriarchy are simply at play here. So, each tweet or discussion from Jay isn’t necessarily seen as anything more than the parody that the “S N L” story implies. To these women, L’s story not being told in the narrative is indicative of the reality that they continue to deal with in their everyday lives. And what better way to deal with your pain than to laugh at it.
The Bottom Line Evangelist
Say what you want about Jay and his movement, the truth remains that it is exactly that —a movement. And the polarizing divide is typically inconsequential to the fact that he has given credence to a movement with rippling consequences. Jay didn’t begin his messianic reign with the goal in mind to be a savior for men like S. No, it all started, as they say in the Twitterverse, from banter.
An example will be, say, an argument props up on the Twitterverse about two people who went on a date, and at the end of the date, the guy vents on Twitter saying the girl ordered above his budget. Jay’s typical stance on this, prior to his notoriety, was simple: “Guys, do not date girls that can’t pay for their own food”. Nothing short of funny if you take into consideration that this particular example has nothing to do with the girl not being able to pay for her own food. Jay, however, found a way to somehow make scenarios like this feel less about what they actually are and more about how men deserved better. Most people saw through this charade yet more men bought into it.
There was something about Jay’s contrarian stance in the beginning that felt comedic but also captivating. The first few instances of his act were followed up with more banter. And it worked like magic. Before long, he easily became the poster boy for the Alpha Male movement (rhetoric that was already quite prevalent on the internet but without any standout personality to herald it). He found a name to address his growing supporters and he made sure it was the exact opposite of what the women folks were keen on calling themselves. He referred to his followers as “kings”. Trust me, nothing feels more regal than the idea that as a man you are deserving of the specific kind of woman you want because of the titular factor of your patriarchal heritage.
Jay’s “Kings” grew across the face of the Nigerian Twitterverse. The more some men laughed at the movement, the more the recruits for kingship grew. And Jay, with his influencer-ish background, understood how all of it worked to his benefit. He understood that there was no such thing as bad publicity on social media and so he doubled down. His takes became more polarizing. He began to carve out his tribe from the multitudes and soon enough his tribe began to fight back on his behalf. Calling out his terrible rhetoric was sure to be met by a multitude of “kings” clapping back at you for your obvious ignorance of the truth that Jay preached. The movement had, well, started to move. And like the smart, inventive Messiah that he had become, Jay took things a step further: he wrote a book. He titled it “Becoming a Better Man”
On the book’s release, Jay posted a link to it with the blurb on the Twitter timeline and it was shredded to pieces. From its generic title to its typographical error-infested blurb, he was called out for only using this book to milk cash off the men who were keen on his leadership as the savior of the Alpha Male species. It was a dump fest of hatred and vitriol at his feet and he and his minions returned the favor with prejudice. But the book was just the tip of the iceberg. Jay had also tweeted a link for people to book a session with him as a life coach. The cost of this session: $200. The internet erupted in mockery. It was endless and it was brutal. But again, the masterfulness of this messianic evangelist shone brightly. The more hate towards it, the more engagement. The more his tweets about his book and his coaching sessions were quoted with insults, the more visibility he got —the more his gospel spread.
Doom or Paradise — We Choose
In the first week of July after the release of his book, it made the best seller list on selar.com. It was a feat worth celebrating for the newly verified Jay. A few days later, his verification badge was removed and then returned and then removed again. Jay took it in stride: he shot back at his haters in a series of tweets that sounded more like childish brags than actual rebuttals. His minions followed suit. They tagged those laughing as pathetic. They scoffed at the hate because apparently you only know you are doing something right when the hate towards you is huge.
And with that logic, one might be forced to think, maybe they are right. The hate that Jay’s gospel gets is almost on a scale like no other. He’s been the focus of a lot of dismissive and belittling insults you’d think he was stealing money from people. His coaching session with the $200 fee (roughly 140,000-150,000NGN depending on the fluctuating exchange rates) isn’t theft but him providing a service for men who he believes deserve to be told they are special for a lack of not hearing it enough.
Truthfully, one can understand the anger too as well. Jay, in all his glory, isn’t saying anything new or different. He’s not bringing a new line of thought to the fore for men to tap into their inner alpha male-ness and be deserving of everything they want. All of these are already existing rhetoric. However, the issue with his brand of gospel, as some may argue, isn’t that it espouses the virtue of male individuality and encourages men to believe in their worth, rather it is that it claims to do all of this but to the detriment of the other gender —women.
In my opinion, the issue with Jay’s gospel —almost like the issue you’d likely find with his book or the blurb excerpt— is that despite what might be very genuine sentiments, it feels too much like a hack-job. Jay is without doubt doling out all of these seemingly profound takes and advice on men, women, and relationships not because he believes he has something profound to say but rather because he has a growing audience of men like him whose bloated egos he needs to pump full with gas.
Typically, one would expect that a movement that is keen on setting itself apart as exclusively “for men” wouldn’t need to always have to remind us of why it is strictly “not for women”. The over-flogging of the rhetoric is tiring, to say the least. It’s like that saying about how when the only tool you have in your shed is a hammer, every problem tends to look like a nail. Well, in the world of Jay, S and his myriad of Alpha Male minions, the world is filled with nails [read: women] that look like L. And expectedly the only thing to do with a nail when you have just a hammer is to hit it down into a posture of submission. How else does anyone address “kings” without genuflecting?
Cheers!