On: The Uncomplicated Life
This article is best enjoyed whilst listening to the song "Bank Robber" by The Clash - https://m.youtube.com/ttJBdr6eBuo
I have noticed that as I age, I have been able to learn and master the art of existing in a fluctuating state of "Oh, shit!" and "Abeg no vex”, and in doing this, I have somehow been able to find the sort of balance that allows me wake up in the morning, not feeling my best but content with not feeling my absolute worse. To me, my life summed up so far, has been one long trail of bad decisions, indecisions, comebacks, momentary happiness, and more indecisions. And dare I say, I am quite content with it.
And in all honesty, none of these is as dreary as it sounds. On the one hand, the good thing about bad decisions is that they insulate you, to a certain degree, from the shock waves of life's curve balls. Chances are if you make enough bad decisions in your lifetime yours would be a biography worth reading and you could also be one of those people whose life would echo after death. The bad thing about bad decisions though, besides the obvious, is that they never leave. They stick to your skin like scars and even when you think the wounds are healed up, something comes along to poke and unleash the painful memories they carry.
However, in time, you learn to live with your bad decisions, just as you uncover the fact that the phrase "learning from your mistakes" is a myth. No one learns from their mistakes. We simply learn how to better rationalize repeating them. And that's the tragedy of life in some way: trying to avoid pitfalls because of the last ditch you just crawled out of, only to discover that even that seeming caution in itself is a ditch. Bad decisions, in my opinion, horrible as their memories might be, are a necessary path of the human experience. We were born to try and fail and then try again until, wait for it, we fail again. But as humans, soon enough we get to the point where we choose to give a select moment of this recurring failure a new name - success. And at that point, we scream for joy! Then like clockwork, we are back to making more bad decisions.
And I 100% love this about us humans, that our ability to bend narratives and soon enough wholeheartedly believe them as some sort of cosmic or divine intervention, as though we weren't the same ones that bent them earlier is unmatched anywhere else in the universe. I don't think that's even a bad thing, necessarily but I do believe it has its detriments, especially since ideologies like religion have found a way to call others mad and possessed for pointing out the brazen stupidity of this very act. Nevertheless, in the general scheme of things, I think one of humanity's greatest achievement for millenias has been how often we have learned and mastered the art of re-writing our own destinies and definitions. But I digress.
Next up is indecision and I would say that the good thing, nay, great thing about indecision is how much it gives you room to float above the immediate consequences of your choice or a lack of it. I remember once being indecisive about how I felt towards a lady I fancied, and when all communications between us dwindled to the basic "Heys" and "His" as they eventually do, I was able to take solace in the fact that "...at least I didn't get rejected". A lot of times with indecision we are able to avoid the task of commitment and the dread of conviction even if we are aware of the possibility of being bitten in the ass by it later on. But who is to say a bite in the ass isn't a good thing. Rarrr!
Personally, nothing is more frustrating than having two choices and never choosing one. Indeed, one might consider "never choosing" a choice in itself. However, the truth about us indecisive folks is that sadly, we are the chronic “let me sleep on this” type of people who actually do sleep on it and then let the weight of our body smolder that choice until it virtually becomes nonexistent. Basically, we are the kind of folks that would say to ourselves “today is the day I choose to be happy" and then spend all hours of the supposed “today” thinking of ways to enact that very affirmation. We often tell ourselves we are only being cautious because we do not want to rush into anything in order to avoid making bad decisions, but the irony is that doing just that can itself be considered as a bad decision.
But like I said, personally, I actually do not mind my bad decisions nor my indecisions. I also have come to realize that as long as you are able to make peace with the choices and decisions (or indecisions) you make in life, your life generally shouldn't suck as much as you might fear it would. Life can be very uncomplicated for those who easily accept their misgivings and own them. So for me, in the many moments when I sit with my bad decisions and indecisions, ruminating over past events and ordeals, I am able to sit in peace knowing that I am the captain of my own destiny and that nothing I ever chose to do or not do was anyone else's decisions or indecisions to have made but mine.
And I think that's an actually decent way to live if you think about it. Owning up to your bad decisions and indecisions; and making sure you are able to find peace in the stench and mundanity of both. The reason for this, I reckon, is that sometimes even the most courageous or comfort zone-esque escaping decisions that you may make might not necessarily end up transforming your life in the way you might have thought it would. I once bravely decided to leave my "comfort zone" of Tinder dates and hookups and agreed to go on a recorded blind date in the hopes of finding love. I was sure doing this was me being brave and that I'd be rewarded in someway by the universe, but alas it wasn't so. Turns out that I looked and dressed too much like a Danfo driver to even stand a chance with my blind date. Two years later and I can take comfort in the fact that whenever the blind date topic or video is brought up, I can proudly say I enjoyed every moment of it, especially because of my bad decision to be a part of it. And these days I take solace in the fact that my bad decisions and indecisions are lesser with the fewer people I interact with. And while this might not necessarily be a good thing, it's one of those decisions (or indecisions) I think I can live with.
Cheers!
I love you bro
🔥🔥🔥! Big ups my man.