yesterday, garri poured on my MacBook Pro

This article is best enjoyed whilst listening to the song “Eye of the Storm” by Johannes Bornlöf - https://open.spotify.com/track/0Tk8Ix9o8YqG0NWRUo9YEp?si=4626738316e74023

It was nearly midnight. While regular people slept, I watched a “Created by Wayne” video on YouTube about creating awesome video carousels for social media. I was hungry, tired, and exhausted, but needed to get the gist of the design, so I stuck it out.

I have never been one to shy away from a midnight snack. The only issue was, thanks to my lack of funds, my snacking options were limited to the titular garri and a 200 Naira bottled groundnut I got earlier that evening from the woman up by the junction.

So, at 11:58 PM, I paused the video, stood up from my desk, and went to the kitchen to dish myself a snack: a cup of garri with two tablespoons of sugar and a bottle of groundnut. I mixed it all up and took a bottle of water from my freezer.

I went back to my desk and was about to sit when I mistimed placing the cup of garri on my desk, and it spilled across the keypad of my MacBook.

And I emphasize “MacBook” because, unlike most regular people who use “laptops,” I, on the other hand, use a MacBook. And you might be tempted to think, “Wait, but isn’t that just a laptop too?”

To that assumption, I’d laugh and say, “No.”

A MacBook isn’t just a laptop —it’s an entity. A deity. Here’s the shocker: a regular MacBook might be a deity, but it still pales in comparison to a “MacBook Pro.” And yes, you guessed right —mine is a MacBook Pro.

Now, imagine this: my MacBook Pro, which to me is more than a deity, is sitting pretty on my desk and instead of being worshipped for its impeccable design, simplicity, and its incredible features, it is doused by a hundredth of a millionth flakes of garri.

At that moment, as the custodian of said diety-adjacent MacBook Pro, what did you think my reaction was?

I’ll tell you.

I reacted the opposite way most people do online (and offline) when their infallible Daddy GOs, Presidential Candidates, and Tech Bros are called out on their blatant hypocrisy.

I didn’t try to de-rationalize the truth.

I did what any semi-rational human being believing in something higher than themselves would do when confronted with a disregard for their oft-curated beliefs—

—I dusted some of the spilled garri off my MacBook Pro (thankfully, I keep my MacBook Pro clean) and into my cup (salvaging the most I could), swept my bedroom floor, and went back to watching “Created by Wayne,” whilst enjoying a very chilled cup of garri.

And who knows, tonight I might do the same again.

The moral of this post (yes, there is one) is this: drink garri as often as you can.

…and if you can afford it, get yourself a MacBook Pro today!

P.S. —by “do the same again,” I hope it was clear I meant drinking some more garri tonight and not spilling it on my MacBook Pro.

Just thought to clarify.

Cheers!